49: I Was Never Meant to Fit In.
LOADED POST: “If you should go skating on the thin ice of modern life...”
Welcome 49 year old me to finding me!
In case you haven’t noticed, I like to have fun w photo filters but I wanted to share my raw & real 49 year old selfie today.
No mascara, brow brush or face powder.
No fancy clothes or hat.
No frilly, anything.
Just me full on...
Smiling, showing my crooked teeth.
Hiding behind nothing.
How vulnerable... or liberating, depending on your perspective.
Truth... I feel it ALL & it feels AMAZING!!
All my life I’ve been on a quest to fit in, belong somewhere, be accepted... anywhere, & sometimes, that included some pretty unhealthy, even dangerous places.
If we’ve chatted recently, you’re likely aware of the personal journey I’ve been on for the last few years. You might also get a sense of this if you follow me on social media bc it’s so damn hard for me to contain the enlightenment I experience on a daily basis - it’s actually mind blowing at times!
All this to say, 49 is even better than 48 & I’m actually excited for 50!
I’ve finally realized (1/2 a century in) that not only will I never fit in, I was never meant to ~ what a realization.
God’s Plan for me has always been greater than my imperfect life journey: I did not always know this but He selected ME to wear these “pink ribbon scars” KNOWING that when I showed up (albeit terrified & unsure) these indelible marks, I like to call them my pink ribbon scars, would be my catalyst to courageously face the challenges, required BY me to overcome, to evolve into the person I am today in order for me to best serve others. He knew that through my own lack of, I would be better able to take on the very important & unique task of helping others in a much greater way bc I understand the FEELING & that this is crucial in order to authentically serve the mission of “No parent should have to choose between paying the bills & raising their children”.
This person I am today chooses to live life feeling it all, leaning into & not running from, who chooses to trust her faith & turn to Him knowing I incapable on my own.
When I hesitantly stepped into His calling for me, He showed me the #1 most glorious place to “fit in” in this great big wonderful world - the place I’d been literally craving for, seeking all my life, was right before me... my very own family that I created.
Charlie, my partner in life who stands strong behind me & loves me through to my very imperfect core, unconditionally. To him I am indebted bc when I feel weak & insecure, he strengthens me simply by his belief in me & my purpose.
Avery & Claire, my conscious, heart-lead, brilliant & beautiful daughters who teach me every single day how to be a better human being... the greatest gift of all is being the mom that I am to them for them, but also FOR ME. They I would say, are the keys to unlocking my unknown potential. #healers
It’s so easy to “get lost” or “distracted” in this "modern world" (hence the title of this blog) that we must be INTENTIONAL about HOW we want to live this one life we’ve all been granted. #dontwasteitondogma
So yeah, 49 is feeling pretty spectacular so far & what has been highlighted for me these days is that... time passes quickly, things mean nothing & experiences are really what our hearts FEEL forever.
Here’s to living life authentically, passionately, unapologetically & understanding that it’s not about being everyone’s “cup of tea” but waking up to each of us living our higher purpose, creating a life we want to live & thrive in based on the decisions we make in our day-to-day. And... along the way, we find our people.
As I move into 49, I want to extend a genuine thank you for being here & supporting me & if you're also finding yourself on a personal path of self discovery too, let's connect! I know I have soooooo much more to say about all of this & so I'm deciding now to share more deeply & more boldly!
Blessings w Peace & Love,
#discoveringme #sharingboldly #anotheryear